


Maybe If the Stars Align

by CanineKitten



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Post-Chapter 699 (Naruto)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 14:40:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13572693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanineKitten/pseuds/CanineKitten
Summary: "Sasuke could never tell Naruto how he felt. He would keep the secret to his grave if he needed to. He'd keep it to the end of time. But he could not... and this was the weakness in his resolve... he could not keep away from Naruto."





	Maybe If the Stars Align

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from Be Together by Major Lazer. I can't help but think of Sasuke and Naruto when I hear that song.

 

The night was breaking him. He could stare up at the vast darkness of the sky for hours every night, never feeling the least bit closer to himself the entire time. Time seemed to thunder past. A whole night could pass without him noticing.

To others, the stars would probably look beautiful, like a twinkling drizzle of white fireflies. Naruto always said that they made the sky seem alive. Sakura said that they reminded her of how vast the universe was.

To Sasuke it just reminded him how pointless everything was. In the end he was only a microscopic little fleck, smaller than an ant in the huge universe. He amounted to basically nothing in the bigger picture.

 

He could never tell Naruto how he felt. That was a secret he kept to himself only. It was crucial that it remained a secret. If Naruto knew... it would be unbearable. It would give him a power over Sasuke that he already had, but didn't need to know how to wield. Sasuke would keep the secret to his grave if he needed to. He'd keep it to the end of time. But he could not... and this was the weakness in his resolve... he could not keep away from Naruto. His mere presence pulled him in. His existence was enough to save Sasuke's sanity on a bad day. His smile could make him forget about everything for a while. With Naruto, he could allow himself to just exist, past and future be damned.

He didn't like to admit it, but Naruto was becoming an addiction to him. He came back to Konoha every year or even more often because he missed Naruto. When he was back in town he would try to play it cool and wait as long as he could before he visited him. He was terrified that Naruto would find out... that he would one day see how much Sasuke needed him, and look at him with pity. The last thing Sasuke needed was people's pity. It wasn't often he experienced it, but it still happened more often than he liked. A random citizen would recognize him and give him a look of pity like he was some pathetic kicked puppy who couldn't stand up for himself. He couldn't stand it if he were to see that look in Naruto's eyes.

It had been over a year this time when he finally returned to Konoha. It had been spring when he left and now it was early summer. He stood at the gates for a long moment, contemplating whether he should seek out Naruto with once. He missed his friend, and it had been so long... the only thing he had been thinking of for the last few days was seeing his face and his smile and of hearing his voice... He had a good reason for finding him immediately too. He had come over a box with a set of spices that were difficult to come by in Konoha.

After having gotten to know Naruto better these last five years after the war, he'd learned that, to his surprise, his hyperactive friend liked to experiment with cooking. Sometimes what he made was inedible, but other times it was really good. Sasuke considered himself lucky to be one of the few whom Naruto considered close enough to cook for. He usually kept that particular hobby to himself because, although he denied it, he was a bit self-conscious about it.

Sasuke was aware that going to see Naruto even before he went home to wash off and rest could perhaps be considered strange, but this time he was incapable of listening to his constant denial. He just wanted to see Naruto, and he wanted to see him now. So he went to his place.

It was afternoon when he stood in front of Naruto's door. He waited a while and knocked once more before he finally heard hurried steps over the floor. The door flew up to reveal Naruto haphazardly clothed and with wet hair.

"Sasuke! Hi! I... It’s unexpected to see you here!" Naruto touched his moist hair. "I'm sorry it took so long, I was in the shower."

The white t-shirt he was wearing was plastered to his chest, partially see-through from the wetness of his skin. Sasuke's eyes lingered for a second too long on the defined pecks and thick biceps that usually weren’t visible under the baggy clothes Naruto wore. He pulled his gaze away from Naruto's chest with some effort.

"If it's a bad time..."

"No, no! Come on in!"

Naruto stepped aside and Sasuke hesitantly walked past him into the apartment. Inside it was cool despite the heat outside. Sasuke was wearing a lighter cloak for summer, but he was still grateful for the coolness. He took it off and left it over the back of a chair.

"You just came home?" Naruto asked.

"I brought you something. That's why I stopped by."

He didn't know why he felt like he needed to explain himself. He shouldn’t need to explain himself. He took out a scroll, opened one of the seals, and handed the box that poofed into existence over to Naruto.

"For me? Thanks!"

Before Sasuke had the chance to stop him, Naruto had enveloped him in a quick hug. They usually didn't do that kind of thing and the gesture left Sasuke dumbstruck. Naruto let go of him fast. It might have been just Sasuke's imagination, but it looked to him like Naruto's cheek were slightly colored.

Once, Sasuke had gotten him flower seeds. He'd noticed that Naruto kept a lot of plants, and whenever he visited he notes that Naruto used to take great care in watering them and even talking to them. While he was traveling he came across someone who sold all kinds of strange seeds, and immediately thought of Naruto. That was the first time he brought him something. This was the second.

Naruto quickly opened the gift, and grinned widely when he saw what was inside.

"Thank you, Sasuke!"

His blue eyes were filled with astonishment and gratitude. He seemed to hesitate a bit before moving closer to Sasuke and, when he met no protests, pulled Sasuke in for a second hug.

Sasuke was a bit overwhelmed by all the hugging, but this time he allowed himself to enjoy it a bit. He brought his right arm around Naruto and held him a bit awkwardly. He had not expected Naruto to tighten the embrace in reaction, but he did not protest. Far from it. He felt Naruto's hand touch his neck and suppressed a shiver. He needed to break the embrace before this situation got even more awkward. He extracted himself from Naruto's arms and stood in front of him a little indecisively.

"So..." Naruto said at the same time as Sasuke said, "I should..."

They both stopped.

"Go on," Naruto said.

"No, it was nothing."

"Are you staying for dinner?" Naruto must have sensed the beginning of an excuse forming on Sasuke's tongue, because he hurried to add, "I was just about to start making something and with this," he held up the spice box with a grin, "I could try out some recipes I've been dying to try."

Once Naruto had told Sasuke that after the war he received some stuff that had belonged to his parents. They'd been in the third's care this whole time, and after his death they'd been forgotten. It was Konohamaru who found them. Among the very few items was a book of recipes that he assumed had been his mother's, especially since there were a lot of notes in the margin with a red pen that said things like, 'less chili, Minato got a stomach ache,' or, 'Minato loved it, success!'

That book had been what convinced him to start cooking in the first place.

When the two of them cooked together, Sasuke usually took care of the vegetable chopping. Despite having just one arm, he was still much more efficient and precise than Naruto. By the time Naruto had diced one carrot, Sasuke was usually done with most of the other vegetables. When Sasuke was in a good mood he allowed himself to appreciate how they complemented each other in every way. It could go very wrong sometimes because they also tended to disagree on a lot of things since they had so different opinions, but surprisingly, more often than not their differences evened each other out.

After dinner, which had been a success this time, they relaxed under the shade of a parasol on Naruto’s balcony.

"Have you found anyone yet?" Naruto asked after a long moment of content silence.

Sasuke was surprised by the question.

"Sakura, she..." Naruto hesitated. "She wonders, you know?"

She wonders? He didn't quite follow.

"She told me," Naruto said, "something about you poking her head or something? And then you said that you'd pick up where you left when you came back?"

Sasuke felt stunned. He had no idea she felt that way.

"I poked her head because she looked so sad when I left. It's just... it's something my brother used to do when I got upset about him ignoring me."

"Oh..."

"I didn't know that she still..."

"She's been waiting for you all this time."

Sasuke didn't know what to say. "I didn't know," he repeated.

"You know... She hasn't stopped loving you all this time." Naruto suddenly looked away when he spoke. "It's unfair, don't you think? To ignore someone's feelings for you? It can hurt... so, so much to love someone without knowing if they feel the same."

Sasuke felt a flare of red-hot anger in his stomach.

"I told her that I didn't return her feelings. I've told her twice."

Naruto looked puzzled. "But did you really mean it?"

"Why wouldn't I mean it?"

"Well... You were..." Naruto shrugged.

Sasuke could guess what he meant. He wasn't himself back then. But was that really so? He'd been told so a million times, by physiologists and friends and mentors. 'You weren't yourself.' 'You were out of your mind.' And the best one: 'That’s in the past, everything is back to normal now.' As though everything that had happened meant nothing. As though all the pain and darkness he'd been through was just a phase, one that he'd _thankfully_ grown out of.

But the truth was that he'd been just as much himself back then as he was now. He'd just been a darker, more suffering side of himself. It didn't mean he hadn't meant what he did at the time being, no matter how awful those things were. It was terrible to admit, but he had to be honest with himself. He couldn't do like his friends and pretend like what he'd done was something that could be easily brushed aside.

"I meant it," Sasuke said. "I meant all of it."

He looked at Naruto and waited till he met his gaze.

"I was not out of my mind. I knew exactly what I wanted, and I'd do anything to get it."

"Would you have done the same again?"

"No," Sasuke answered instantly. "No, I would take it all back if I could."

On impulse he reached out and touched Naruto's hand. For half a second he wondered if it had been a bad decision, that the gesture had been to intimate, but then Naruto grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"If I had known that things would turn out this way, then I wouldn't have left," Sasuke added. 'I wouldn't have risked ruining what I had with you', he thought. But he didn't say it out loud. He expected Naruto to let go of him any second, but he didn't. Sasuke didn't dare to move a muscle in fear of ruining the moment.

Naruto looked down at their hands and grabbed Sasuke's with both of his. He ran his thumb along the lines in Sasuke's palm.

"You should talk to her," Naruto said.

Sasuke was bewildered for a second until he remembered that they'd been talking about Sakura. His annoyance returned.

"I've said what I needed to say to her. If she has questions she can come to me directly."

He pulled his hand out of Naruto's grip.

"You could at least give her closure."

"What the fuck is wrong with all of you?" Sasuke said. "Why do you, and Kakashi as well, expect me to return her feelings just because she has endured? You haven’t considered that I might be feeling something for someone too? Don't I deserve to have my feelings returned as well?"

Naruto looked surprised. "Of course you do! I just didn't know..."

"That I had feelings?"

"... That you had someone you liked."

Sasuke glared at Naruto. And then he did the unthinkable. Compelled by the whirlpool of anger and hurt that Naruto's words had stirred in him, he acted out without thinking. It lasted for only a second and it was mostly hurtful. A kiss. Teeth clacked and noses bumped. Sasuke drew back immediately. Naruto looked stunned. His mouth hung open and his eyes were wide and round. Sasuke knew then that he'd done the wrong thing. And now it was too late to take it back.

 

 

He knew no one who could pull him out of one of his darker moods the way Naruto could. Not seeing him for days took its toll on Sasuke. He had not realized he needed his friend as much as he now realized he did. He lay awake at night, cursing himself for being so careless. It hadn't been necessary. Why had he done it? If everything was ruined now, then he only had himself to blame.

Sasuke avoided him for as long as he could, but in the end destiny brought them together. Sakura had talked him into coming to a bar with some friends. She had promised that Naruto wouldn’t be there, but it hadn’t been long before he and Kiba and Lee suddenly showed up.

Sasuke emerged to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked ashen, his dark eyes set deeply in his scull, circled by dark rings. He couldn't stand looking at himself. The agony in those eyes was crushing. The fine lines around his eyes spoke of a weariness that had left his very soul ragged. He looked away, and then when he looked up again, Naruto was standing there. Sasuke got startled but managed to hide it. He locked eyes with Naruto in the mirror for a long moment, drinking in the sight of him. If possible, he looked more radiant than ever. His hair was bright like a halo, his skin had a healthy tan, and his startling blue eyes had their usual sharp yet gentle look.

When Sasuke realized he didn't know what to say or do, he opted for ignoring Naruto. He leant forward and splashed some cold water in his face, hoping it would somehow bring him clarity.

It didn't.

"You're avoiding me." Naruto's tone had a tinge of hurt.

"I've been busy," Sasuke said.

He reached for a paper towel and wished he could be anywhere else but in that bathroom with Naruto. A different side of him wanted to stay... wished to know if Naruto had forgiven him; prayed that Naruto felt the same way.

But he couldn't believe in that side. It was too naive and hopeful, and those two things only led to agony.

He headed for the door, but Naruto intercepted him.

"Wait! Just hear me out."

Sasuke stopped. Despite it all, he wished to hear what Naruto had to say.

"I'm sorry," Naruto said.

Sasuke frowned. Sorry for what? This was not what he had expected.

"I'm an idiot," Naruto said. "A big, fucking idiot. You were right. I didn't consider your feelings. I only saw Sakura's side of the matter. She's always been so direct about what she feels. It's easy to forget to consider your feelings too, especially when I have no idea where they lie."

He took a pause to breathe and study Sasuke's reaction. Sasuke knew that there was none, although on the inside he was teeming with emotions. He didn't know what to feel first. Annoyance at Naruto's stupidity? Anger at his ignorance? Gratefulness for his consideration? ... Hope...?

Naruto started at Sasuke with a strange sort of determination. The sort that preceded his more foolish decisions.

"I thought a lot about... about my feelings for you... after you... you did that... that thing you did..." He took a deep breath. Sasuke fought the need to look away in shame. Naruto plodded on.

"I was confused, I have to admit that. I didn't know that you... that you desired to, uh... to do that." Naruto's cheeks were bright red. "But I..." He wetted his lips, and suddenly his voice adapted a throatiness that made Sasuke's skin tingle. "I wanted it too."

Sasuke swallowed thickly. He held Naruto's gaze, expecting their corners to crinkle with mirth any second.

Naruto took a hesitant step closer. Then, when Sasuke didn't move away, another step. He lifted a hand and placed it on Sasuke's cheek. The tips of his fingers felt rough and warm. If Sasuke hadn't been frozen with disbelief he would have leant into the touch. Naruto hesitated for a second, but then he plowed on.

He kissed Sasuke right there, in the middle of a public restroom, in the back of a dingy bar. Right on the lips. It was gentle, so unlike them. It lingered, and slowly Sasuke's senses woke to life. His mind started grasping what was happening. His lips parted to let out a shaky breath. Naruto took that as a good sign, and moved closer. He clutched Sasuke's hip with shaky fingers. He was trying to be careful, as though he was afraid that Sasuke would reject him. That was what made Sasuke stir from his stasis. He drew in the familiar scent of Naruto's slightly citrusy detergent, and the darker, earthier smell that lay under it, and then he let all caution fly.

He grabbed Naruto by the lapel of his jacket, and pushed him back against the wall. The back of Naruto's thighs hit one of the sinks and he groaned through his teeth in pain. Sasuke's lips were already slotted over his, sealing in the groan. He felt so desperate to touch him - to feel the moistness of his mouth upon his - he hardly cared where they were or who could see them. His hand slid up to cup Naruto's cheek. His fingers dragged across warm skin, through unruly hair. The mere touch alone made goosebumps break out all over his skin.

He had to force himself to stop and breathe. The whole world seemed to spin around him, though the two of them felt like they stood as firmly as though they were rooted to the spot.

He broke off the kiss and stared into Naruto's eyes, making sure this was really happening. That it was really Naruto there in his arms, that it wasn't a dream or a mirage. Naruto stared back, his eyes wide, overwhelmed, but also dark with desire. His heart was beating fast and his breathing was ragged.

His lips parted willingly when Sasuke kissed him again. His hands were firmly planted on Sasuke's hips. He pressed him as close as he could. His fingers dug into Sasuke's skin, clutched him so hard it would leave bruises.

Their lips were moist, sliding against each other with a slow-burning, all-consuming hunger. Sasuke knew, as he'd always known, that what he felt for Naruto was like an inferno of fire trapped in a thimble. His body was not enough to contain it. It threatened to tear him apart from the inside.

When they finally broke apart, they were both panting like they'd run for miles. Sasuke's dick rested against the juncture of his hip, heavy with arousal, pulsing with every frantic beat of his heart, and so sensitive that just a single brush of clothes against the exposed head made him dizzy.

He leant his forehead against Naruto's. Their sweat mingled. Their lips were a hairs width apart. He could see that Naruto was smiling. Giddily. Their lips met one last time, a slow, soft touch, and then a door slammed down the corridor and they broke apart.

Naruto shakily freed himself from the wall while Sasuke dragged a hand through his hair in an attempt to regain normalcy. The door opened and Naruto slipped out, while Sasuke remained by the sink, looking at himself in the mirror. There was a faint pink color in his cheeks that made his eyes come alive again.

 

 

 

 

Some things never changed. Sasuke stared up at the starlit sky from his bedroom. The curtains were open and the huge window made it feel almost as though he was lying under the open sky with nothing between him and the vast darkness.

The night sky would always be the same: littered with stars, encompassing a darkness that continued into eternity.

Something had changed, though. Now, as Sasuke stared up into the vastness, he didn’t feel like an insignificant little spec anymore. At last he had a purpose, or, he had discovered his purpose. He turned his gaze away from the sky, and over to the man who was lying next to him.

Naruto’s hand was clutching the sheet over Sasuke’s stomach. At times his fingers twitched and he frowned a bit in his sleep, muttering something. Suddenly, his breath hitched.

He murmured in distress.

“S’ke… Sa’ske…”

“I’m here.”

Naruto’s frown disappeared at once. He grasped Sasuke tighter with his hand, and Sasuke let him.

He never would have thought that Naruto could be as dependent of him as he was of Naruto, but he was. Sasuke had woken up many a time in the middle of the night, pinching himself because he thought he must have still been dreaming when he found Naruto in bed next to him.

He had yet to manage to wake himself from this dream, so he supposed it had to be true.

Again Naruto frowned and his breathing came in rapid puffs. Sasuke shook him gently. Naruto’s eyes flew open. He looked confused for a moment.  
“Sasuke? Is that you?”  
“Of course it’s me,” Sasuke said gently.

The tension left Naruto. He almost slumped to the mattress.

“I had a nightmare,” he said. “I dreamt that you left, and no matter how much I yelled and begged and cried, you wouldn’t turn towards me. You kept walking until you disappeared into the darkness…”

Naruto clutched Sasuke’s hand, as if to hold him back if he suddenly decided to leave in that moment.

“It was just a dream,” Sasuke assured him. “I won’t leave you.”

“You promise?”

“Yes. I’m here, aren’t I?”

Naruto pulled him down to himself and Sasuke conceded to getting tucked into Naruto’s arms.

He clutched Naruto tighter with a sigh.

“You’d think you’d start trusting me when I say I’ll stay now that I’ve stayed in Konoha for over a year.”

Naruto buried his face into the crook of Sasuke’s neck.

“I know,” he murmured. “And thank you for staying… I know you do it for my sake.”

Sasuke kissed Naruto’s forehead. “It’s less tempting to leave now, knowing you’re here, waiting for me.”

“I hope I’m not holding you back…”

“Never.”

“But… If you really… If you feel like getting away for a while… Just tell me, okay?” Naruto looked up at Sasuke. “If you want to… I mean… If it’s alright with you, I could come with you.”

Sasuke chuckled. Then he realized Naruto was serious.

“What about your dream? The Hokage training?”

Naruto shrugged. “Now that Kakashi has finally been forced into those robes, he might as well sit for a while.”

Sasuke combed a stray lock of sunny hair away from Naruto’s cheek.

“Are you serious?”

“Do you really think I’d joke about this?”

“… No. I just thought… becoming Hokage was so important to you.”

Suddenly Naruto hoisted himself to his elbows. He hovered over Sasuke, an intense glow in his eyes.

“That was before I even knew that it’s possible to feel like… this!” He gestured between them. “I’d be an idiot if I sacrificed this for some empty position of power just to prove that I can reach a goal that I decided on when I was twelve and had no idea what the heck I was getting myself into.” Then he added more sheepishly, “Besides, unless you want the position, then I’m the strongest ninja in Konoha, so… It’s not like there’s a line I have to get in.”

Sasuke slapped Naruto’s chest. “True love, straight from the heart.”

“I _do_ love you,” Naruto whined.

Sasuke grinned. “Hm, I know.”

There was a long pause.

“This is where you say ‘I love you’ back,” Naruto grumbled.

“I love you back, idiot.”

Naruto shoved him. “Bastard.”

Sasuke returned the shove. “Moron.”

Naruto grabbed Sasuke’s upper arm. His breath fell in warm, rapid puffs over Sasuke’s cheek. “You know this kinda banter turns me on, right?”

Sasuke snaked his arm around Naruto’s waist.

“I know.”

They had been together a year now, and although it had been a slow process with a lot of trying and failing, they had finally started to work out the kinks in their sex life. They didn’t know why it had been so difficult to them… Maybe because they had been used to hurt each other instead of showing each other love. Maybe that was also why it felt so much more rewarding when they finally managed to give themselves fully to the other.

Sasuke didn’t hold back now as Naruto took control over him and played his strings so fluidly, so masterly, that he barely knew what kind of over worldly plane of existence he partook in anymore. He only knew that there was him and there was Naruto, and they fit perfectly together, moved perfectly in sync, knew exactly what the other wanted and needed, and gave it to each other unconditionally.

He didn’t care anymore what kind of noises Naruto wrung out of him, nor how he acted in the throes of passion. The first time, he could still remember it clearly; he had been as stiff as a board and as unresponsive as one too. He hadn’t dared… hadn’t been able to let go. That felt like so long ago now.

He curled around Naruto, encouraged him with breathy whispers; clutched to him, unafraid to let Naruto know exactly how much he enjoyed what he did to him.

Naruto groaned through his teeth. He was close to coming.

“Wait…” Sasuke gasped. “Not yet…” He pressed the back of his head into the pillow. The soles of his feet were planted on the mattress, straining, pushing his body up against Naruto’s, as close as they could come. Naruto clutched him tightly, his fingers digging into his skin. His thumbs caressed the dips of Sasuke’s hipbones.

“I’m close…” Sasuke groaned.

Naruto hoisted Sasuke’s legs up around his waist, much to Sasuke’s annoyance, but then he started taking control over Sasuke’s pleasure like it was his own and showed exactly how well he knew him.

Sasuke felt every string that held in place the raging inferno that Naruto elicited in him snap one by one, and although it scared him for all of half a second, he instantly pushed that fear away and gave himself completely over to Naruto.

He cried out hoarsely as he came, and felt Naruto shudder over him. He heard him mumble his name, brokenly, over and over again. They slumped together next to each other and listened to each others breathing as they slowly came down. Naruto placed one hand on Sasuke’s chest, over his heart, and held it there. He looked completely content in that moment, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.

Sasuke stared up at the roof and then his eyes wandered towards the window.

“Look at the stars,” he murmured.

“Mm… Beautiful.”

Sasuke smiled.

For the first time he could honestly say that he agreed.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at a time in my life when I was in a pretty bad place, but I also wrote it straight from my heart. I kept it almost completely as it was originally when I wrote it in the middle of the night on my phone, except from the last scene. That I added later. I found it difficult to write a sex scene that worked well with the rest of the story, so in the end I decided to make it less explicit than I normally do. I actually really like how this fic turned out so I hope you enjoyed it too :)


End file.
